Monday, February 9, 2009

I am scared...stop telling me I shouldn't be..it's not helping

So I always thought I was over reacting about my bouts of illness. Until it started happening everyday.

Everyday I have a migraine. Now it is like they have just become a part of me. I smile through the pain, dizziness, and nausea but its getting difficult now that I have been vomiting on a daily basis and have no strength afterwards.

I have been going to the doctor with these symptoms for a couple years now and have had almost every test under the sun. Within the last 6 months I started noticing my vision has been decreasing, mostly in my left eye where strangely enough my migraines are centralized. When I told this to my doctor she freaked out. She recommended that I have an MRI. That scared the shit out of me. Not only because I am claustrophobic but also because it seemed like a dramatic jump. So instead of going through with it I decided to be a Guinea pig and try different medications; all of which have not worked. Now out of desperation to feel better, I decided to get an MRI. This morning the scheduling went through and I have one booked for Friday after my class. I am scared shitless.

Whenever I share this fear, people are like its no big deal I had one done. Well ya know what? I am not you and I am scared and need someone to hold my effing hand! OK?

Good start to my week.

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I write the thoughts running through my mind. Sometimes they make sense and other times they are a bit cloudy. Bear with me.

The Movement


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