Lightspeed- Matt and Kim

I really wish you cared about me enough to take time out of your day to say "hello"

Hometown Glory- Adele

Although I try and hide it with a sarcastic front, the future scares me. The past couple weeks have forced me to start thinking about what I am really looking for and how I can work towards getting it.



I have already established that I want to teach but have found the details to be a bit more fuzzy. I know that I love children and ideally would like to be in a second grade classroom but have recently been flirting with the idea of teaching in a place other than the tri-state region. Sure I am falling more in love with Milwaukee as it gets warmer ouotside but why should I not even give other places a chance. Unlike paired up friends, I have the benefit of being mobile. If I could afford it, I could even move over seas.

I am so tempted to just pack up and move east letting life happen, but reality stops me. So I may not be "tied" to a person but there are reasons to stay here.

At this point it would be a horribly stupid idea to quit school so I have to tough it out for two more years. If I dropped out to travel I would be in a world of financial hurt. All of my loans would come back and I would no longer have insurance...and...and..and..ect.

Also I would feel guilty moving farther away from my family. They already are 2000 miles away so if i was even farther I doubt I would ever see anyone. These days Skype has really helped bring my family together but it isnt the same as getting real hugs and kisses vs. live pictures lol. It is so pathetic but I already am starting to miss my dad's big bear hugs.

Not only would I miss my blood family, but my adopted family. At this point I have accepted my close friends as extended family and have gotten all to comfortable being able to go to them when I need to escape.

Maybe I just need to get everyone to move to one place instead of being all over the place.

Maybe one day I will get to live some where else but for now I am planting my roots in Milwaukee. I already have three years of school in and two more left so I may as well smile my way through the bullshit of Alverno instead of trying to run away like I always do.

As I continue to think about it, I believe the reason I get so depressed at the end of the semester is because I always have to start over and pick up and leave. Maybe it will be best to be tied down to a one year lease and possibly a sweet new job that actually will prepare me for what is to come.

Wake Up-Tender Forever

It's a new day full of new adventures waiting to be had.

Better Part of Me-House of Fools

Why can't I just accept a compliment like a normal person?

At work I get praise for the work that I do and for some reason it bothers me. Instead of saying "thanks" when being complimented I spin it into something negative.

Today I was so uncomfortable when I had to have my employee evaluation and T had all these nice things to say about my progress and growth within the team.

As I started to think about it I guess for so long I was the girl everyone overlooked and/or insulted. Growing up I was an akward tomboy. People didn't understand me so they made fun of me. It also didnt help that I have always been a fat kid. I didn't grow up getting compliments. I usually was yelled at for doing something wrong. I talked too loud(and too much). I wouldn't listen to "instructions". I ate too much. I would never pay attention.

Eventually as I grew up I established mysef within my surroundings and found people who accepted my "quirks". Instead of yelling at me for these things they started to overlook them and start noticing what I could do right. Thats when I started being complimented. Sadly this didn't happen until after I had been in college. Weird.

(Its funny how I came to this all while processing underwear at work.)

Eventually I will figure out how to accept when people call me beautiful or creative. For now if you call me pretty I will insist that you are looking behind me.

Sentimental Heart- She and Him

I am a living contradiction.
I wonder if I will ever reach the point of a phoenix.
I hear the disapproval of my peers.
I see the chains weighing me down.
I want to find a peaceful equilibrium.
I am a living contradiction.

I pretend I am confident and content.
I feel like a sham.
I touch my material possessions letting them weigh my hands down.
I worry they will become me.
I cry feeling plagued with doubt.
I am a living contradiction.

I understand Rome wasn’t built in a day.
I say the best is yet to come.
I dream of my potential future; A happy family in a stable home.
I try to perform my best.
I hope I can find the strength to jump my hurdles.
I am a living contradiction.
I will be better.

Sade-By your side