Although I try and hide it with a sarcastic front, the future scares me. The past couple weeks have forced me to start thinking about what I am really looking for and how I can work towards getting it.
I have already established that I want to teach but have found the details to be a bit more fuzzy. I know that I love children and ideally would like to be in a second grade classroom but have recently been flirting with the idea of teaching in a place other than the tri-state region. Sure I am falling more in love with Milwaukee as it gets warmer ouotside but why should I not even give other places a chance. Unlike paired up friends, I have the benefit of being mobile. If I could afford it, I could even move over seas.
I am so tempted to just pack up and move east letting life happen, but reality stops me. So I may not be "tied" to a person but there are reasons to stay here.
At this point it would be a horribly stupid idea to quit school so I have to tough it out for two more years. If I dropped out to travel I would be in a world of financial hurt. All of my loans would come back and I would no longer have insurance...and...and..and..ect.
Also I would feel guilty moving farther away from my family. They already are 2000 miles away so if i was even farther I doubt I would ever see anyone. These days Skype has really helped bring my family together but it isnt the same as getting real hugs and kisses vs. live pictures lol. It is so pathetic but I already am starting to miss my dad's big bear hugs.
Not only would I miss my blood family, but my adopted family. At this point I have accepted my close friends as extended family and have gotten all to comfortable being able to go to them when I need to escape.
Maybe I just need to get everyone to move to one place instead of being all over the place.
Maybe one day I will get to live some where else but for now I am planting my roots in Milwaukee. I already have three years of school in and two more left so I may as well smile my way through the bullshit of Alverno instead of trying to run away like I always do.
As I continue to think about it, I believe the reason I get so depressed at the end of the semester is because I always have to start over and pick up and leave. Maybe it will be best to be tied down to a one year lease and possibly a sweet new job that actually will prepare me for what is to come.
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