Today I as I was sitting in church I had an epiphany.
What purpose do we have in our life?
It all started as the pastor started a sermon with a metaphor about humans being fancy cars with no fuel. What good is it to have a car if you have no fuel? In other words what good are we with out a sense of purpose or a drive?
Each person’s fuel is different seeing as though each person has different dreams, hopes, fears, goals, and values. For some, religion is their fuel while for others it can be excitement for the unknown.
Don’t we all look for a sense of belonging in one way or another?
Although it took me a while to realize, I think my place is following God and his commandments. For quite some time now I have felt lost and abandoned when what I needed was right in front of me. I am finally starting to believe that quote about not realizing how good the things we have are until they are gone.
All my life religion has been a big part of my life. I was baptized into Christianity, faithfully attended church and Sunday school every Sunday, youth group every Wednesday, and VBS every summer. At first I was the one learning and taking everything in through Sunday school, VBS, religious release, and eventually classes leading to my confirmation. Eventually the tables turned and I was the one teaching children. I taught both VBS and Sunday school to the younger kids for about five years. It was fun while I did it but didn’t realize the benefits until years after all of this stopped.
I fell away from my faith the summer before I left for college. I started working more often which usually meant I worked Sunday mornings. For the longest time I used this for an excuse. I could worship because I had to work. The summer ended and my college classes started. Now what was my excuse? For the first semester I didn’t have a job so I had the chance to attend church but chose not to. Occasionally I would go to a service at school then drop by my church at home but then I just stopped going all together.
As I look back that’s when I started feeling lost and confused. Why wouldn’t I when it was such a big part of my life for so long?
During this time I started to step out of my comfort box and become more open minded. In some ways it was beneficial but in others I am ashamed. I started mocking my faith, taking part in activities that I wasn’t comfortable in, and eventually started losing touch with who I was looking at in the mirror each morning. When I realized I was slowly walking further into the darkness, I started to re-evaluate my life and make some changes. I had to move some things back in and other things out.
An important step in this process was to remove the “toxic” elements from my life and move in positive habits as a replacement. So far I think it is the best decision I have made. One of the most important things I have moved back in my life is my faith in Jesus. For some it may sound corny but it’s what I need. I feel a sense of belonging within Christianity because I know God has a greater purpose for me and I have to wait and see what it is. Over the past couple years I have lightly explored other beliefs but I find myself coming back to my roots. I think this may be because I have a good heart. I am willing to live to serve other people and it isn’t always easy.
I still need to work on improving and re-evaluating some other parts of my life but its go
