Have a Little Faith in Me- Joe Crocker

I have not really talked about this to anyone but I reeally need to say it....

I am SOOOO happy to have the title of "godmother"! I try to be all cool about it when talking to S, but it's HUGE for me. Knowing that she trusts me to protect and care for her children, if something were to ever happen, is comforting. I love those girls more than i can say.

It really tears me that I can't be there for their lives.

I want to see I's first steps.
I want to see H's first day of school.
I want to be able to help them with their homework.
I want to help them talk their daddy into getting them what they want. ;)
Oh and of course I want to make sure they are properly clothed. Its all about the accesories baby!

Already I have made a difference on H. She now imitates how I put on make up, and the faces I make.

Even though I live 2,000 miles away I will try my best to be there. I don't want them to grow up without having an aunt to turn to for help when they can't go to their parents. Mainly because I never had that but always wanted it.

L.O.V.E- Ashlee Simpson

I really am not a fan of people missusing the word LOVE. OK so I suppose yoou could define it as a pet peeve.

Here's my beef:
So there is this friend that I have a "love"/hate relationship with. At first we couldn't stand one another but were forced into acceptance because we have almost every class together. We don't really know one another but every time I leave she say's "love ya bitch", or some other strain. It's weird but it bothers me. First there's the whole love thing then pairing it with bitch? Hmm.

Oh OH OH! I really dislike it when people put the pressure on you to say it back! WTF. I am sorry if you think you love me, I don't feel the same way. Your great and all but I can't use that word on you.

Deal.

In this day and age people don't understand the power of the words.
Love.
It's kind of a big deal.
If I use it I mean it. Doesn't that mean so much more than saying it to random strangers?
So I love my family, close friends, and of course my dog. However I don't love them in the same way that I love gaucomole. I would not mourn the death of gaucomole. (or would I? lol) So in conclusion I am not a love whore! I can couont the people I love on two hands. Can love whores do that? Nope. Ok Case settled. lolz

Breathe-Michelle Branch

Sitting on feet


back against the cold white wall


auburn hair loosely pulled back


cheeks flushed


emotion escaping from her face


continuously staring down the mirror across the room


suddenly the reflection of the blue eyes shatter



whats wrong with our dear heroine?














a soft melody sung by an uncoherent greecian artist plays in the background

Sunrise-Norah Jones

The sun has not even risen but somehow I manage to be wide awake (I blame my bladder for waking me up at this before-the-break-of-dawn hour). Even though I was planning on getting an additional 4 hours of sleep before meeting L, I am ok with being awake.

I find it peaceful being awake so early, not much is going on in the city. The the hustle and bustle is masked by the blanket of night which uncovers a reflective side within myself. After laying in bed for a while, staring out the window at the dew on the cars below, I decided to make some coffee and ease into the day. I sat for a while, sipping at the dark brew, and started to reflect on my epiphany within the last couple weeks. Now as I sit here at my desk wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I can't help but be proud of the progress I am making on, well, myself.

In previous months I have been dealing with over exaggerated emotions. I would be up down and all around, getting depressed over every spilled cup of milk. Now these exaggerated emotions are subdued and somewhat normal. For example, instead of waking up and faking sick because I am too depressed to go to class, I wake up happy. This is a big deal for me. I have been doing so good that somedays I have a belly full of butterflies and have no idea why they are there.

I no longer have that voice in my head questioning why I am here. I know why I am here; I have a purpose. Although it isn't clear where I am meant to go, it's ok. Currently, I am living life one day at a time and doing what I want; instead of living according to someone else.

I believe the real reason I have been able to get to this point is because of my support system and a new found confidence. My friends are very important but I know that they can't be my everything. As harsh as is sounds, people always leave. This past year frienships have been altered. I grew closer to some people while distancing myself from others. Although it hurts to lose a friend I have learned not to depend on them for everything. They have their life adnI have mine.


I have found that at this stage of my life I am allowed to be selfish. I am not (nor ever will be) perfect. Right now I need to be working on ME, and not trying to mend what doesn't want to be fixed. I have my flaws. Instead of ripping on mysef for them. I have chosen to accept them. They set me apart from others but don't define me.

It is like a breath of fresh air.

I may seem narcissistic but I am just proud I have gotten to a point where I accept myself. I used to stand in front of the mirror and mentally pick at every flaw. Eventualy I got to the point where I hated myself so much that I wanted to end my life. I felt broken and confused.

Now when I look at myself I see a beautiful young woman. I admire my natural beauty. I appreciate who I am. No longer do I need to have someone else tell me I am beautiful (although it does give me butterflies when someone does).

Too often I am hurt. I feel broken. However, I will work to find the glue to put myself back together.

Ave Maria-Beyonce

The past week I have been traveling and didnt realize how exhausted I was. So, tonight instead of doing a damn thing, I am lying in bed watching endless amounts of Gilmore Girls.

It's so sad that Luke and Lorelei have such a rocky relationship. Why can't people just realize they were meant to be together and deal with it.

Stupid Wallaby.

Drive-The Cars

I am shocked at how "Flo" has to go in and get check-ups just as often as me! Currently I am sitting in Brewed wating for the call that I can come and pick her up from Waynes. So far it has been two hours and I still have not recieved the call. Instead I sit here in this retro coffee shop slurping away at my pad thai while I work on writing a few pieces. Instead of getting much done I keep thinking about how much this is going to cost and how I have probably put more into this car than I bought it for.

Back in July, I got Flo, a knight in shining armor, or, a '01 Buick Regal;it depends on the eye. Ever since then I have been a regular down at Waynes. First I had to go in and get my tires changed. Then my brakes had to be adjusted along with my steering. Next my oil needed to be changed. Then my "belt" was corroded and needed to be replaced. Next, I broke a windshield wiper, which I got replaced, then it got clogged. After that it was time for another oil change. Then my back windshield was bashed in and had to get it replaced. Oh and last Friday I locked my keys in my car. Yup. Now I am getting my shifter tightened, because it likes to pop out of drive and into neutral, also my tires have to be replaced because they can't hold air and every time I check them they are short 15 lbs.

Really Flo? Reallly?!?

At least after all of this crap I know what to do when something goes wrong.