It is really starting to scare me knowing that summer is going to be here in two weeks. I will have to work my ass of in classes and other school activities in order to be done by then. I can do it but it is hard to maintain my confidence when I am trying to juggle other things at the same time.
I have had a lot of things thrown at me in the last week that have really been difficult to balance. Some thing's I can talk about while others I have to figure out on my own.
One is what am I going to do this summer? Where am I going to stay? I have been offered a couple of nanny jobs but they didn't work with what I needed so I had to decline. Now, however, I have an ideal situation that would require me to stay in Milwaukee. It would be nice to be close to my Alverno girls but I also miss my home peeps. If I go home I have the option to work at Auntie Em's or I will try and get a job at a daycare.
I have this feeling like I wouldn't feel like it was summer if I didn't get to go home. It would be a major change not being at the lake everyday after work or stalking the Miner's house, sleeping on their couch and eating all of their food. I would miss my pupparoo, my dad's crazy antics, random fancy homemade dinners with my mom, late night rebellion with Erin, corner dancing with Gabe and Erin then diving in the bushes when cars come, photoshoots with everyone….and of course I would miss my loverly dumpster diver! Who am I going to fawn after for these long three months?
Maybe I have to let go of wanting these things and accepting that they are just fun memories from the past that I will have the chance to do once again, just not this summer. I guess I could look at me staying in Milwaukee as me growing up and accepting responsibility instead of having fun? Right? I dunno. I am so torn. I really want to be able to work a boatload to earn some money but I also want to enjoy my time off of school.
Another thing on my mind is being sick. I feel miserable and it is really hard to accomplish what I need to get done when I am being isolated by people who don't want to get sick. Lol. I am such a weird person when I am sick so it's understandable that people distance themselves. I have to do things in a certain way so that it doesn't hurt as bad which looks and sounds weird to the outsider. Man everything just hurts. I feel like such a baby. I can't sleep because my ears hurt and I have to sleep a certain way so the pressure doesnt pop out my eyeballs and when I fall asleep I wake up from coughing then cant fall back asleep because my throat hurts from coughing the wrong way. Then I realize I am hungry but, nothing looks good except for weird foods that I don't even have access to. So I eat what I have available and it doesn't agree with me so then I am back to being hungry. I feel so uncomfortable and miserable since nothing is really working to stop the pain. Damn cold. It figures I would get sick when there are only two weeks left.
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