Dear Jane Blosberg

The following is a letter I wrote to my fifth grade teacher recently:


Hello Jane,
I don't know if you remember me but I was in your 5th grade class at Zimmerman junior high in the 98/99 school year. I recently had to write a paper about the teacher who had a positive influence on us and I actually wrote it about you. I just wanted to say that even though I have not been your student in over 9 years I still am thankful for you being there for me back in the day. I am currently a sophomore at Alverno College I was majoring in nursing but changed my major recently to elementary education with a minor in English. You actually were a big part of my decision to change my major. The main tie in all of my possible career choices was that I wanted to help kids in the way that you had helped me and made me feel comfortable in the classroom even when I may not have been accepted by other classmates. It’s odd how the one thing that sticks out in my mind is a time when the whole class was teasing and laughing at me and you just sat in the hall hugging me as I cried. I don’t know why I remember that so vividly. To this day I still admire you for being such a wonderful teacher. You always had the best attitude and always wore a smile. You made learning fun mixing in fun activities to reinforce the lessons. I hope to be at least half as great as you were. I want to try and be the most positive influence on one of my future students. So thank you so much for everything. Remember that though you may not realize it you have a strong impact on your students and I as one of them admire you for that.

Oh and if you were wondering how I found you I was doing research for another class and was like "I wonder what would happen if I typed in Jane Blosberg" Oddly enough I found you and you are now a second grade teacher...at Brainerd where my favorite choir teacher Mr. Stubbs now teaches...and that’s where some of my family lives. Oh! I actually was hoping to one day teach second grade. It is funny how things happen. I feel kind of stupid sitting here late at night crying over how weird this is...a happy cry not sad...but still weird.
Any who, once again thank you!

Music is so...

It just takes a few chords on a piano to really unlock some intense feelings. Bringing me back in time to those moments I had tried to lock away and get rid of. Then that damn song comes on the play list unlocking everything I had tried so hard to get rid of. I hate but also love the effect music has on me. So many songs remind me of the same person. You know who keeps popping into my mind every time a song is played. It is really getting ridiculous I don’t know why he has this effect on me. He doesn’t care why should I care so much about him?
I really hate people at times so much I want to dive into a very large hole and escape from all this fucking bullshit! I want avoid any contact with people since it usually ends up with me being pissed. I am a fucking crazy person.
Man, I just want to go to that summer day. When it is the perfect temperature where I can sit on the edge of the water, the cool water licking my toes, the warm summer breeze wrapping around my arms and down my back. I want to be able to take in that sunset with the colors of peaches and raspberries. Savor that every moment when it seems like all is right in my life. All my problems float away for that minute of peace and serenity. Its funny how I always want to be around people but when I am by the waters edge. They don’t matter. This is my moment the one time when I don’t have to worry about making them happy this is purely for me. I don’t have to feel guilty. Why should I? Its funny how these pictures are what center me in such a crazy life. I can such imagine those days when I actually get to be there but for now I have those moments in my mind.

Camoflage

It’s funny how something as simple as a smile can be the greatest camouflage. As you look through a photo album you see countless pictures of a person through the years growing up. You would find picture after picture of happy moments in their life, victories small and big. Sometimes I wonder what if there were photos of the times when they were hurt and down. What if you saw the things they didn’t want you to see? Would this new insight in their life change your opinions and views of them or would things stay the same?

New Semester With a Not So New Start

Why is it so hard to earn a second chance in life? It seems as though you would have to move to another county with a whole new set of people. I make mistakes often not learning my lessons the first time around so I have to learn by being hurt the second or third time around.

So another wonderful semester here at Alverno has started. I am proud to say that I am now starting my fourth semester making me a sophomore! GO ME! This semester I am set on being my own personal cheerleader. I need to realize and acknowledge my own personal and public victories. I am not a failure at life. I am alive. I am 19 years into this thing called life. I am employed with a somewhat steady pay. I have food in the fridge. I am intelligent in my own ways. It is nice but isn’t essential for me to be told this by any family or friends. I am who I am. I need to stop trying to bring myself down by comparing myself to others. I am Brooke not anyone else therefore I cannot do things the same as others.

Waiting games

I keep hearing that good things come to those who wait. Well I am waiting…for something anything wonderful. When is my day going to come? When am I going to get the things I hope and secretly wish for? Am I always going to be pining for things only to have to wait 12 years to get them?
I hate how depressed I get when I go out and see couples walking around holding hands. Why can’t I have that? What is wrong with me? Why is it that these girls who are not the prettiest get boyfriends? Am I just too ugly and intimidating? I just want a special someone in my life who will care about me and walk around town with me holding my hand and glaring at those who check me out. Ugh I hate how the thoughts of being with someone constantly flood my mind then I think about how I don’t and won’t have those moments.

Unrealistic dreams

I wonder: "what he is up to? Does he like me? Does he think I am crazy?" Ugh these sorts of Aaron thoughts are laced throughout my day. It is really starting to piss me off! I just want to get him out of my mind and forget about him since he has no interest in me. Why does this boy capture my attention the way that he does? I don’t find myself constantly thinking about other boys even other people as I do him. It is rather annoying. When I am in his presence I act like a fool stupid and giddy. I am an intelligent independent girl! Why is that I think that I need a boy I don’t even really know? Ugh what is wrong with me? I hate how I constantly am obsessed with him and how I foolishly picture our future together without him ever knowing of any of it. I keep hitting myself now whenever I think of him. Stupid me for thinking such silly unrealistic thoughts!

Stupid Love

Ever since I went to see the romantic movie P.S I Love You I have been in this emotional rut and I don’t understand why. I feel angry and depressed. I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I just want to feel loved and wanted is that too much to ask? Today I feel like I am in such a rut and can’t laugh and can’t cry. In order for me to deal with it I once again cut myself but my leg wasn’t good enough so I cut my arm as well. Why am I so mopey? I don’t even want to do anything but lay around. I feel like just a waste of breath today. Why even talk….who will listen?

I don’t understand why boys are so confusing. Why can’t they just say what they feel instead of playing mind games?

Happy New Year

So it is a new year and I don’t have anything to really complain about at this point which is an awesome thing for me. Lately I have found myself complaining far too much and it is an ugly side of me I want to try and take out of my life. Really what do I have to complain about? I am a somewhat healthy college student with a job, food in the fridge, gas in the tank, a roof over my head, and many memories ahead of me.

For some reason I have this odd fascination with Maine. I really want to live there and often find my thoughts wandering to the shores and possible cottage by the water. I want a little two bed two bath cottage by the shore. I want to live there with my future husband who will catch lobster for me and our two kids.