The list that will cause me to be a single parent with a pie shop

So after a night full of silly over dramatic love movies....I decided to put together an over the top list.

What I want in a man:.
-Someone to tell me I am beautiful as I am lying in bed feeling as though I am on my death bed with a red nose and dark circles around my eyes.
-Someone who will appreciate my weird taste in music. So what if one minutes I am listening to the smooth sounds of Gavin Degraw then the next I am screaming along with My Chemical Romance.
-Someone to get me flowers just because. It doesn't really matter where they come from. (a garden or a store)
-Someone to rub my hip as I bitch and moan about how much it hurts.
-Someone to sit and listen as I go on a rant about how unappreciated teachers are these days.
-Someone who will accept how I love taking pictures of myself.
-Someone who isn't embarrassed to come with me to the doctor since I am normally scared.
-Someone who will make sure there is always a light on when I sleep or if it isn't available will let me sleep in his arms so I feel safe.
-Someone who will say they will beat up whoever I am hating at the moment then never follow through because they now it is just my hormones.
-Someone to sit and hold my hand on the side of the road without any other expectations.
-Someone to protect me when I have had to much to drink.
-Someone who will call me everyday even if it is for a minute just to say "Hi" not feeling pressured.
-Someone who will wrestle with me and be aggressive just for fun.-Someone who will give me affection just because.