Fall Reflection

This semester is hard for me. I feel like I am trying to find myself all over again. Last semester I thought I had things figured out and I was confident with myself. I felt that my bonds with my friends and family were strong, until a wrench was thrown in the mix. I gained friends then lost them as their bonds with others grew and our friendship faded. I lost friends I had from before as communication was lost. I lost my grandpa to cancer which really mixed things up. As all of these things were happening I started to think of who I can really rely on when things get tough. This had to be the hardest thing to deal with. I don’t want to let people go. They told me they would be there for me till the end. What happened? What could I do differently to bring back my friend? What is wrong with me? If I can not even keep up friendship how am I ever going to be happy in life with my choices?

I don’t even know who I am.

Before, I was set on being a pediatric nurse. I will finish in 4 years. I will meet a wonderful guy and get married and have kids (in that order). Now I am not sure of myself anymore.

I feel so empty sometimes. Like I am never going to do anything right so why even try.
I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to go to class or talk to people. I just want to lie in bed and stare out the window with thoughts flooding my mind like the tears swelling in my eyes.

I miss home.
I miss my dad and my Forkling.
I miss the hugs.
The security and comfort I get from being home.