Depression sets in

What the fuck! Why does it hurt to breath? Why do I feel so empty inside? I have been so negative and depressed. So I realized that I am the person people go to and talk to whenever nobody else is around. So what your “attached to the hip” friend isn’t around? Now you want to be my friend? Awesome! I really feel so stupid here. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t even pass any simple assessments. I wanted to cry when the teacher was explaining “something simple”. It made me want to rip all of the shit off of my walls and hide from the world. Why the hell do I always feel this way? Fucking depression! I will just put on a big ass smile and everyone will be happy but me.

Pickles

Well so surprise once again when I express interest in someone, Anne likes to swoop in and take over for the third time. I love how she knew I had an interest in him because I told her. That must have been her sign to swoop in and show off. I don’t know about her sometimes. When I think about the issue she seems to be a toxic friend. Whatever. Maybe I am being childish but it doesn’t seem right to brag to someone that you got the person you expressed interest ins number. How high school I that? Ugh! Why do I always over evaluate peoples actions then I become depressed when I am not even positive of the situation.

Procrastination

Why oh why do I procrastinate so much? Lately it seems like I have been worrying more about being a social butterfly and keeping everyone happy but kind of neglecting myself and majorly….my homework. I need to just close my door and keep it completely silent so I can work. Ugh! Distractions suck horribly! I mean, I love the people close to me but I always want to talk to them. Its been nice that lately I have been able to become closer to a friend but I wonder if this is because another person has not been around. I hope that’s not how it is this time. This has happened too often to me. (AKA Sarah, Jess, Jessica, Caylin, Karen, Jake…oh dear should I go on?) I wonder if it’s my fault. Probably. I am the common denominator in all of this. What the hell is wrong with me?