It's that time of year when school wraps up and another set of individuals graduate into the corporate world. As I see the flutter of [facebook] statuses expressing the satisfaction of finishing college, I wonder, "when will I ever be at that point"?
Four years ago, as I was graduating High School, I was asked where I would see myself in five years. After making a joke about being an international bum, I gushed about how I would be finished with school and starting my life in the "real word", with a nursing degree in hand. I am a year away from that prediction point and I am no where near where I thought I would be.
Last night, physically and mentally exhausted, I called my mom hoping for some of her usual wisdom in an effort to pull me out of this funk. Like the context of this blog, we discussed predictions. One thing that really hit home was when she asked, "where did you see yourself being at this time"? I hesitated, then told her, "I honestly didn't think that I would be alive". Those weren't exactly the words she was hoping to hear but it was the real truth that I kept to myself.
As I often bring up, I have struggled with my depression and have attempted suicide as an attempt to "solve" my problems. Over the years it has been a real struggle to gain control over my life as I constantly was battling these thoughts and feelings causing my depression. I felt insecure and unhappy, never thought I was worth anyone's time. Now, after hitting some extreme lows, I am starting to find more balance and happiness in what I have.
Going through this roller coaster with depression, I have learned things greater than those taught in the walls of a classroom.
Self worth. Independence. Appreciation. Love. Struggle.
Nothing in life is easy, if it is, you are doing it wrong. Having depression hasn't made me any less of a woman, it has made me stronger as I work towards finding happiness.
Although I have not received a diploma, I got something greater. Happiness and LIFE.
Can I get a cake for that?
