Thursday, February 8, 2007

Biology is really pushing me

I feel so dumb in biology. I swear I am trying to get this. I do my homework as well as I can and try to follow along in class taking notes and listening but I don’t understand. Today I feel so stupid I finished my bioethical response the best I could and turned it in online. Then today I found out we were not only supposed to turn it in there but we were also supposed to print it out. This class is so difficult for me to follow along. I try and read all of the papers and guidelines I think I understand them until I get to class and realize once again I have done something wrong. I can’t blame anyone but myself for doing something wrong since I am the one who misunderstood the readings. I would ask questions if I knew what to ask. My problem is I think I know what I am doing so I won’t ask questions until the last possible moment; normally right before I turn in the paper. Recently I realized I am good at physically doing things I just have trouble explaining the background of something and the process that goes into making it happen. This is a major problem because this is what I need in order to meet level three criteria. I am going to have to work extra hard this semester in order to succeed. I will not lie, I am scared and I doubt my ability to succeed. I feel so dumb in this class when I ask questions to the teacher. I get looked at like I am stupid. Its one of those “How dumb are you? Why would you ask such a silly thing?” looks. It’s funny how I was feeling happy before this class. I was standing tall being confident in myself. I was proud that I had given a good speech in CM 112 and had a good time listening to everyone’s speeches laughing along with all the funny invention ideas. I came to class feeling good that my paper was done, assignment was completed and I am actually here awake and with a positive attitude. After 10 minutes I loose that positivism and confidence and instead feel unintelligent and incapable. I just want to hide.

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I write the thoughts running through my mind. Sometimes they make sense and other times they are a bit cloudy. Bear with me.

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