Wow. So I am back in my small town living it up and somewhat enjoying myself. Lately I have been working non-stop and am pretty much never home which is not that big of a deal since I feel super alone when I do go home.
Any who, so I am working as a deli wench, working up a sweat frying and cooking food, making drinks and breaking out. I look so sexy when I have to go to work in my most unflattering uniform and even a hat and apron...try to hold back. I get to basically cook and assemble food all day while talking to nobody then after I am out of work at 8 everyday I whip out my cell and talk to make up for my eight hours of silence. It got to me so bad that on Monday tears pretty much came as a side dish with subs. (ooh make the Italian bread even tastier) I thought I could handle for not talking for that long but I can't instead I end up talking to crazy women who try to hook me up with their church boys. oy vey...boys they make me giggle and feel all fluttery inside...I hate it sometimes I wish I didn't get crushes an silly boys like a 14 yr old girl would. I obsess so it is totally uncool. Why is it that whenever I see a certain boy I get all fluttery stomached and mushy kneed?
Moving on...lately I have been avoiding home as much as possible because when I do go home I end up by myself even though other people are around. I just don't feel accepted here as much as I once did because of how I have changed. I am so glad though that I have had the chance to move far away from both places I call home because I am growing more into someone I am accepting of. Here in rapids I have had so much time to think about things, situations I have dealt with, and people and I am learning more and more to just accept it and work with it instead of struggle. I have been able to notice more things about myself and the people I am around...which is a weird feeling for me. Right now I think my issue is loneliness. I feel like an outcast sometimes because I can be a bit more eccentric than others in the town (I bet ya that not everybody wears a tiara when they work in the c-store!) In order to avoid this loneliness I have been staying in town till late at night so I don't have to deal with grilling from the family about why I am the way I am. I also will go to Erin's and hang out until the wee hours of the night. I love Erin dearly for being the one person at home that I am not afraid to be my crazy screaming out the window, changing while driving, dancing to no music self. She never gives me that look like her eyes are stuck to the back of her head look and I love her for that.
It has been awesome how Gabe and I have been able to hang out and have photo shoots since we both are in love with pictures. Also I think we both are in love with ourselves in pictures so it works.
One last thing I say WTG to my workplace....why am I getting more stressed there than I did than at school how is that even possible?
